Sunday, December 11, 2011

Back to Blogging (maybe...)

Don't take my word on that as I am known to disappear from this space for long periods of time. But right now I feel the need to update this little corner of the internet.

I have so much to say but not enough energy to put it all out there so I will share the Cliffnotes of my life with you...

Ava and I have left my family, friends, and job and recently moved down South, Charleston, SC, to be exact. It wasn't an easy decision but after many e-mails with her dad discussing the realities of long distance co parenting we decided to just dive right in and embrace parenting to the full extent. Why did Ava and I have to relocate instead of the other way around? Well, her dad just started his career as a fire fighter down here and I couldn't say no to the warm weather.

So here we are, a month in and I am not going to lie, things aren't easy. I guess I should explain the logistics. Her dad and I are not together and our goal is not to rekindle a romance. We simply want to be Ava's mom and dad. So at the moment we are living together in a 3 bedroom home, each with our own room. I am not working, but actively looking for a job. Ava's dad's schedule is 24 hours on, 48 off, which leaves plenty of "family" time. But because I am not working and there are bills to pay he picked up a second job. More often then not it is just Ava and I. Don't get me wrong, I love every second with my growing baby (toddler! but I don't want to admit it yet), but I am a little let down at the lack of CO parenting.

Right before moving down here I envisioned what life would be like now that I would have a partner to share all of this with, but to be 100% percent honest, I had more "me" time when I was living at home with my parents. This is so complex and there is so much to consider that I honestly don't know how I feel about everything right now. There is a lot more to say about all of this, but I am going to be vague for now.

Life would be so easy if we cared for each other enough to make it work as a couple, but that isn't where we are right now. And a good friend pointed out to me that I shouldn't settle for someone I didn't really love (a true reminder).

So now what? I have no idea. I am beginning to think I may have bitten off more than I can chew....

But I do it all for this little face.